Half Baked on Bacon

Those who have befriended me on FaceBook have certainly become aware with my fascination for a delicacy on your planet. It is of course none other than bacon. Bacon is more addicting than Spice (no, not that spice.) and gives me luscious lipids to refuel my alien metabolism.

In truth, I could survive off of bacon and spam. All the while washing it down with an Old Fashioned Bacon-Infused drink.

There are other bacon-flavored species on other planets, the most popular of course being the Tribble...although many find it too cute to eat.

Obviously, a renegade hybrid-alien such as myself needs a means of minting money. So, due to the love of all things bacon on your planet and throughout the galaxy, I have begun to export products to other alien species that are bacon-inspired.

Just as your species so fondly loves platters of pork, there's plenty of others drooling over the delicacy you so often eat.

Below is just a smattering of my catalog--some have failed, others have done quite well!

Now of course there's more than just eating bacon. Bacon is a great taste that should be enjoyed as often as possible. And so, I present to you--pork products for the fast-paced bacon lover.

Now, you'll of course think this is the only other category my delicious catalog contains, but YOU'D BE WRONG! 

Let's get our accessorization on!

And of course apart from the Dogma section (more on that later) we've got bacon for your everyday needs!

Of course marketing is a difficult task. Unfortunately, due to my illegal status on your planet I have to formulate lots of shell companies, hiding all sorts of operations through innocuous venues. 

In the course of studying history I have found there to be no better marketing than a dogmatic campaign, and so I fund a few different churches to help spread the word of the almighty Bacon.

And, of course, there's cultural campaigns we've pursued to further ignite the passion of pork eaters everywhere.

So--be on the look out! Our bacon-inspired products will surely delight you. So the next time you find a bacon product--buy it! You just may be helping me come closer to establishing some semblance of galactic peace.

I'd say "That's all folks," but Porky just dinged off in my Microwave!